1 00:00:34,475 --> 00:00:39,151 ALICE: Now remember, children, never try this at home... 2 00:00:39,235 --> 00:00:43,274 as it is one of the most senseless things you could do. 3 00:00:47,235 --> 00:00:51,786 'Cause if the phone should suddenly ring now, causing me to jump.... 4 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,791 -Hello. -Hello, yeah. I'm the plumber. 5 00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:18,593 -You called me earlier. -Yes, good. 6 00:01:18,675 --> 00:01:22,190 -You're not getting any hot water? -I see you've got a little helper with you. 7 00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:24,835 Not surprised if you're still using one of these.... 8 00:01:24,915 --> 00:01:27,190 ALICE: Now, this is an interesting one. 9 00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:31,143 When did boiler repairs become such a family occasion, I wonder? 10 00:01:31,235 --> 00:01:34,625 ...control valve, that's what you want.... 11 00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:37,866 ALICE: I suppose it's a bit like taking her to the zoo. 12 00:01:39,635 --> 00:01:41,546 See, they use vulcanised rubber.... 13 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,103 Does he really think I understand what he's saying? 14 00:01:44,195 --> 00:01:47,471 -The whole point, surely, is that I don't. -290. 15 00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:49,989 Otherwise, I'd be a heating engineer. 16 00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:54,466 Of course, it doesn't help that we're now gradually paring down every word in the English language 17 00:01:54,555 --> 00:01:56,147 to one syllable. 18 00:01:56,235 --> 00:01:58,544 You'll need a whole new combi and stat. 19 00:01:58,635 --> 00:02:01,911 I mean, a "stat"may be a thermostat to him. 20 00:02:01,995 --> 00:02:04,190 But what if I was a tennis commentator? 21 00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:06,391 There'd be all sorts of confusion. 22 00:02:07,115 --> 00:02:10,152 Munchkin, can you run through there, put your hand on the rad.... 23 00:02:10,235 --> 00:02:12,669 And telling her to check the rad? 24 00:02:13,435 --> 00:02:18,145 She might go off looking for, I don't know, a radical Muslim. Then he'd be sorry. 25 00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:20,948 Sorry, excuse me. 26 00:02:24,155 --> 00:02:27,192 Hello, I'm sorry to trouble you. 27 00:02:27,275 --> 00:02:30,984 My name's Emma Carson. I live on the first floor, flat number 1 2. 28 00:02:31,075 --> 00:02:32,793 Yes? Hello. 29 00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:35,867 We have shared the lift a few times, but.... 30 00:02:37,275 --> 00:02:40,267 Actually, it's a little bit private, could we.... 31 00:02:41,315 --> 00:02:43,909 Oh. Right. Yes. 32 00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:45,713 Hang on. 33 00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:53,423 Only, I've got a bit of a problem, which is.... 34 00:02:54,155 --> 00:02:58,910 Basically, my partner Mike and I have lived in this block now for four years. 35 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:04,026 And, well, things between us, all that time it's been fine, you know. 36 00:03:04,675 --> 00:03:06,586 I've got a good job at the Council. 37 00:03:06,675 --> 00:03:10,509 He's still studying for his medical degree to become a doctor. 38 00:03:10,635 --> 00:03:13,991 Oh, God! It's that terrible, terrible thing... 39 00:03:14,075 --> 00:03:17,431 when you find out the person you share your life with... 40 00:03:17,915 --> 00:03:20,952 may be emotionally involved with someone else. 41 00:03:21,715 --> 00:03:24,593 Oh, dear. That must be such a shock. 42 00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:29,467 Erm, Emma, I don't want to be rude, but I was actually just in the middle of.... 43 00:03:29,555 --> 00:03:33,389 Shock isn't the word when he's never even met you, 44 00:03:33,475 --> 00:03:37,548 as such, or more than passed the time of day with you in the lobby 45 00:03:37,715 --> 00:03:42,345 to have developed this insane sexual lust he can't control. 46 00:03:42,715 --> 00:03:46,993 It's not only illogical, frankly, it's abnormal. 47 00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,747 Insane sexual lust? 48 00:03:50,595 --> 00:03:52,392 -For me? -I know! 49 00:03:52,475 --> 00:03:54,784 I mean, how sad is that? 50 00:03:54,875 --> 00:03:59,744 At his age, to be into some weird Oedipus trip. It's like.... God! 51 00:03:59,835 --> 00:04:02,030 I mean, can you imagine? 52 00:04:02,115 --> 00:04:05,790 At the most intimate moment you can ever share with someone, 53 00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:10,073 he starts crying out, "The woman at 42. Oh, the woman at 42." 54 00:04:10,155 --> 00:04:11,952 Never on your life! 55 00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:14,071 "The woman at 42." He said that? 56 00:04:14,155 --> 00:04:17,192 Or sometimes just, "The woman with the eyebrows." 57 00:04:17,275 --> 00:04:20,665 'Cause, obviously, he doesn't know your name, so.... 58 00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:23,110 And he admits, of course, 59 00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:25,948 it's a completely impersonal, physical attraction 60 00:04:26,035 --> 00:04:29,823 based on just the sight of you going to work in the mornings. 61 00:04:30,315 --> 00:04:33,466 You know how a woman in uniform, for some men, 62 00:04:33,555 --> 00:04:35,591 can just pull the trigger. 63 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,588 Is that right? 64 00:04:37,715 --> 00:04:41,185 God! And is that what I've been doing? I'm so sorry. 65 00:04:42,275 --> 00:04:44,550 Pulling his trigger in the mornings. 66 00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:47,190 So I don't know.... 67 00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:51,587 The only thing I could think of that would bring him to his senses, would be if.... 68 00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:55,953 Well, maybe you could call round some time and have a little chat with him. 69 00:04:56,035 --> 00:05:00,153 So that he could see for himself you're not what he thinks you are. 70 00:05:00,835 --> 00:05:04,589 This mythic sex goddess for whom he can't control his insane lust. 71 00:05:04,675 --> 00:05:06,313 Exactly. 72 00:05:06,395 --> 00:05:08,545 You're just you. 73 00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:13,265 With no disrespect, but, I mean, really! 74 00:05:16,635 --> 00:05:20,423 My Lord, if I could turn now to page 34 of the script, 75 00:05:20,515 --> 00:05:22,312 scene 1 1 A... 76 00:05:23,275 --> 00:05:25,505 "The doors to the pub are thrown open 77 00:05:25,595 --> 00:05:30,225 "and Yootha emerges, now completely rat-arsed, 78 00:05:30,315 --> 00:05:32,465 "staggers across the pavement 79 00:05:32,555 --> 00:05:36,184 "then promptly disappears down a hole in the road." 80 00:05:37,675 --> 00:05:41,224 Hardly the pinnacle of wit, you would have to say? 81 00:05:41,555 --> 00:05:43,147 Well, possibly not, but.... 82 00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:47,194 I mean, one wouldn't confuse it with a passage from Swift, for example. 83 00:05:47,275 --> 00:05:49,664 -Or the works of Thurber. -Yes. 84 00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:51,746 But that's not really the point, is it? 85 00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:55,987 I mean, for goodness sake, I think we're getting completely sidetracked here, aren't we? 86 00:05:56,075 --> 00:05:57,474 The whole point is.... 87 00:05:57,555 --> 00:06:01,309 And, yet, you're asking the court to believe, Mrs Blunt, 88 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:06,105 that your husband, a man of sound mind and generally good health, 89 00:06:06,195 --> 00:06:11,110 by stumbling upon this moment while surfing through the television channels... 90 00:06:11,755 --> 00:06:14,906 literally died with laughter. 91 00:06:17,155 --> 00:06:19,669 His heart just gave out on the spot. 92 00:06:20,395 --> 00:06:23,273 He just started rocking about in the chair, 93 00:06:23,355 --> 00:06:26,552 tears streaming down his face and then.... 94 00:06:26,835 --> 00:06:29,633 There is no doubt in my mind, whatsoever. 95 00:06:29,715 --> 00:06:32,593 If it wasn't for that show, he'd be alive today. 96 00:06:33,395 --> 00:06:35,784 Your name is Clark Kramer 97 00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:41,347 and you work as what's called the show runner on Lollipop Men. 98 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,470 Correct. 99 00:06:42,555 --> 00:06:45,592 Perhaps you could explain to us what that involves. 100 00:06:45,675 --> 00:06:46,710 Right. 101 00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:51,346 We have a team of six or seven writers, all working round a table on each episode, 102 00:06:51,435 --> 00:06:53,665 tabling the draft, as we call it. 103 00:06:53,755 --> 00:06:58,033 And I'm, I guess you'd say, the orchestra conductor, steering the whole process, 104 00:06:58,115 --> 00:06:59,753 keeping them out of jail.... 105 00:06:59,835 --> 00:07:03,430 Ajob for which you were selected because of your extensive experience 106 00:07:03,515 --> 00:07:05,790 in the field of situation comedy, 107 00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:09,390 -both here and in the United States. -That's what they tell me. 108 00:07:09,475 --> 00:07:14,424 And this moment from your show, Yootha's drunken pratfall... 109 00:07:15,355 --> 00:07:18,791 on a scale of hilarity from one to ten, 110 00:07:18,875 --> 00:07:21,628 how would you rate that, Mr Kramer? 111 00:07:22,595 --> 00:07:25,314 Well, let's be generous and say four and a half? 112 00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,863 GIL: I may throw up. 113 00:07:27,955 --> 00:07:31,470 He thinks you can measure how funny something is? 114 00:07:31,555 --> 00:07:35,343 Like you can just go away and plug it into the joke-meter. 115 00:07:35,435 --> 00:07:37,312 Scale of hilarity? 116 00:07:37,395 --> 00:07:39,784 We're in the realms of Heisenberg here. 117 00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:44,153 There is no absolute value beyond that perceived by the observer. 118 00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:47,475 But then, this whole gig is insane. 119 00:07:47,915 --> 00:07:50,383 You got the makers of a comedy show 120 00:07:50,475 --> 00:07:53,785 desperately trying to convince a jury their work was a bummer 121 00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,672 so they don't have to pay damages. 122 00:07:56,315 --> 00:07:59,910 Did I do the right thing? Getting out after the first series. 123 00:08:01,155 --> 00:08:04,750 Though I have to say, poor old Clark's doing a great job down there 124 00:08:04,835 --> 00:08:06,871 just keeping a straight face. 125 00:08:06,955 --> 00:08:11,745 So let me put it to you again, Mr Kramer, another way. 126 00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:16,825 If instead of making jokes, you were making a bed.... 127 00:08:18,355 --> 00:08:22,553 ...been a TV critic on that newspaper now for how long, Mr Jephson? 128 00:08:23,515 --> 00:08:27,303 -Oh, let's see, just coming up to 1 1 years. -Indeed. 129 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:32,107 In fact, I think you have a review there, penned by your good self, 130 00:08:32,195 --> 00:08:36,347 for the programme in question, which I wonder if you might read to us. 131 00:08:39,915 --> 00:08:45,194 "The ever-affable Lollipop Men have managed once again to hit the comic solar plexus 132 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,426 "with a sublime display of slapstick from Marilyn Macaulay 133 00:08:48,515 --> 00:08:51,154 "as the ketchup-haired dipso, Yootha... 134 00:08:52,155 --> 00:08:56,387 "whose hysterical acrobatics and unerring instinct for physical comedy 135 00:08:56,475 --> 00:08:58,750 "are without equal on British television." 136 00:08:59,515 --> 00:09:02,188 Strong praise for the lady, Mr Jephson. 137 00:09:02,555 --> 00:09:06,548 And if I were to produce evidence, as I shall, 138 00:09:06,635 --> 00:09:11,868 which will prove that Miss Macaulay's "sublime displays of slapstick" 139 00:09:11,955 --> 00:09:15,106 are, in fact, performed by various stunt women 140 00:09:15,195 --> 00:09:17,584 wearing red wigs, 141 00:09:17,675 --> 00:09:21,429 this would not affect the high regard you have for her work? 142 00:09:22,675 --> 00:09:24,028 Erm, well.... 143 00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:28,154 The whole point here, Mr Jephson, being your credibility 144 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,945 as an arbiter of all that's good and bad in the world of comedy. 145 00:09:33,995 --> 00:09:37,271 We rely on people like you, do we not, 146 00:09:37,355 --> 00:09:40,028 to set us straight on these matters. 147 00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:44,311 Well, hopefully I have some useful contribution to make.... 148 00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:46,272 No further questions, My Lord. 149 00:09:58,395 --> 00:10:02,547 WOMAN: Stupid place to leave a road with a hole in it! 150 00:10:11,955 --> 00:10:16,790 ALICE: Oh, dear, oh, dear. No, I'm sorry, any man who wears a hat at a meal table, 151 00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:20,026 who is not undergoing chemotherapy, is a pretentious prat. 152 00:10:20,115 --> 00:10:23,346 CLEO: I'd have to second that. MILLY: No question. 153 00:10:23,435 --> 00:10:27,428 MILLY: Whereas he has got definite potential. CLEO: Oh, God, yeah. 154 00:10:27,515 --> 00:10:29,949 MILLY: What about her? You think they're involved? 155 00:10:30,035 --> 00:10:33,630 CLEO: You wouldn't be asking that if you'd seen them in the lobby this morning, 156 00:10:33,715 --> 00:10:35,945 having jazz sex together. 157 00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:37,707 Jazz sex? 158 00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:41,663 Yeah, you know this quartet they've got playing there all week as you come in? 159 00:10:41,755 --> 00:10:44,428 I tell you, some of those duets they go into. 160 00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:45,914 Wow. 161 00:10:45,995 --> 00:10:48,793 MILLY: Oh, really? What? Erotic? 162 00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:51,435 CLEO: They do everything except make babies. 163 00:10:51,555 --> 00:10:54,433 Which reminds me, I didn't tell you, did I? 164 00:10:54,515 --> 00:10:57,473 I found out yesterday I've got a secret admirer. 165 00:10:57,955 --> 00:11:00,310 Since when? Who? 166 00:11:00,395 --> 00:11:03,467 This guy who lives in one of the flats in my block. 167 00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:06,433 Get out of town! What's he like? 168 00:11:07,035 --> 00:11:10,311 Well, he's tall, quite good looking as I remember, 169 00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:13,546 dark hair, and studying to become a doctor. 170 00:11:14,035 --> 00:11:16,151 And according to the woman he lives with, 171 00:11:16,235 --> 00:11:19,307 every time they make love, he.... Well, no I can't say it. 172 00:11:19,395 --> 00:11:21,863 Can't say what? What can't you say? 173 00:11:21,995 --> 00:11:24,907 Well, apparently he fantasises... 174 00:11:25,675 --> 00:11:27,267 that it's me. 175 00:11:27,915 --> 00:11:30,987 Which she feels is seriously threatening their relationship. 176 00:11:31,075 --> 00:11:32,827 I mean, you can see her point. 177 00:11:32,915 --> 00:11:35,429 Will you stop being so reasonable? 178 00:11:35,515 --> 00:11:39,349 -It sounds as if he's there for the taking. -Yes, well. 179 00:11:39,435 --> 00:11:43,792 The way she goes on about it, as if fancying me is a sign of mental illness. 180 00:11:44,275 --> 00:11:47,267 And now she wants me to call round and have a word with him 181 00:11:47,355 --> 00:11:51,189 on the basis that when he actually meets me, he'll get a nasty shock, so.... 182 00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,391 I don't know, I suppose I'd better. 183 00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:55,983 Maybe on Wednesday 'cause... 184 00:11:56,075 --> 00:11:58,828 tomorrow's the anniversary of my mum's death, 185 00:11:58,915 --> 00:12:02,305 and I won't be much use to anyone when I get back from that cemetery. 186 00:12:02,395 --> 00:12:05,990 Well, if I were you, I would not close off any options at this stage. 187 00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:07,747 'Cause you never know, Ali, 188 00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:10,508 I tell you, when that magic moment's gonna strike. 189 00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,984 Based on your amazing adventures yesterday. 190 00:12:13,075 --> 00:12:17,591 Here we go, what's this? I suppose you're gonna top my story, as usual. 191 00:12:17,675 --> 00:12:20,667 Well, you're probably not gonna believe this. 192 00:12:21,595 --> 00:12:25,349 But last night, I'm just coming back to my car with some shopping.... 193 00:12:30,795 --> 00:12:32,148 Oi! 194 00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:34,703 Get out! Open this.... 195 00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:38,707 Right, you little shit. What do you think you're doing? 196 00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:43,344 -Get out of this car now. I'm calling the police. -You get out, you mad cow, 197 00:12:43,435 --> 00:12:45,426 if you don't want that lovely face of yours rearranged! 198 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,473 I'm not going anywhere. This is my car, you little shit. 199 00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:53,828 Ooh! 200 00:12:53,915 --> 00:12:55,906 What was all that about? 201 00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:57,824 God! 202 00:12:58,475 --> 00:13:00,147 Okay, look. 203 00:13:00,235 --> 00:13:03,147 If we're gonna go on seeing each other, Billy, 204 00:13:03,235 --> 00:13:05,624 we have got to get the undressing sorted out. 205 00:13:05,715 --> 00:13:07,990 'Cause that was definitely all out of kilter. 206 00:13:08,075 --> 00:13:11,954 I know, I just got a bit ahead of the game there. Sorry. 207 00:13:12,035 --> 00:13:14,265 I mean, there's a coat hanger just there. 208 00:13:14,355 --> 00:13:16,505 You could have at least let me get my top layer off, 209 00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:19,314 so it doesn't get all creased up like a bit of rag. 210 00:13:19,395 --> 00:13:21,590 I'll try and take more care in the future. 211 00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,269 Well, just mind you do. 212 00:13:27,075 --> 00:13:30,465 Words fail me, which is probably just as well. 213 00:13:30,555 --> 00:13:32,068 Oh, listen, 2:00. 214 00:13:32,155 --> 00:13:35,147 Remember that photographer's coming back for the in-house magazine? 215 00:13:35,235 --> 00:13:37,146 If you just want to check yourself over.... 216 00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:40,864 Can't imagine what he wants to take pictures of me for with all you lot around. 217 00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:43,947 Don't knock it, Ali. You're obviously flavour of the month at the moment. 218 00:13:44,035 --> 00:13:46,595 I know. And it's very worrying. 219 00:14:19,915 --> 00:14:22,429 Keep smiling. You've got a lovely smile. 220 00:14:22,955 --> 00:14:24,866 Just come in.... 221 00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:27,553 That's great. 222 00:14:28,115 --> 00:14:30,231 Just this way, please, Ali. 223 00:14:34,355 --> 00:14:38,587 Hey, congratulations, if that's the right word, 'cause that could've gone either way in there. 224 00:14:38,675 --> 00:14:42,463 Hey. When did you get back in town? Good to see you, man. How're you doing? 225 00:14:42,555 --> 00:14:45,786 -Yeah, good. How are you doing? -I mean, was that a riot? 226 00:14:45,875 --> 00:14:48,309 Twenty-six years in the business, I couldn't write that. 227 00:14:48,395 --> 00:14:52,354 In fact, it's now been proved in a court of law, I have no talent as a humorist. 228 00:14:52,435 --> 00:14:54,073 So, there you go. What do we know? 229 00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:56,988 We know the show was a piece of over-produced pantomime 230 00:14:57,075 --> 00:14:59,430 which should've had more respect for its own material. 231 00:14:59,515 --> 00:15:03,269 Bless you for your bullshit. Then it would've been twice as funny and half as successful. 232 00:15:03,355 --> 00:15:04,834 -Hey! -Hey. 233 00:15:06,315 --> 00:15:08,385 -We did it. What did I say? -I know. 234 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,114 And I think we have to sign up that barrister immediately, 235 00:15:11,195 --> 00:15:14,073 'cause his timing in there was a thing of joy. 236 00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:15,508 Yeah, wasn't it? 237 00:15:15,595 --> 00:15:18,746 Gil, this is Vanessa, who joined us after you jumped ship. 238 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,985 And to say she has more than filled your shoes.... 239 00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:23,748 Implies I have big feet. So, can we stop there, please? 240 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:27,145 And what are you up to these days, having moved on to bigger and better things? 241 00:15:27,235 --> 00:15:30,864 Well, currently, I'm.... Just finished this new one-off comedy drama, 242 00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:33,833 which, all being well, we start shooting in a couple of weeks so.... 243 00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:37,385 So, you got some time free? You could come back and work with us for a bit, 244 00:15:37,475 --> 00:15:40,114 on this cruddy sitcom pilot we've been roped into. 245 00:15:40,195 --> 00:15:43,187 What do you reckon? Now Eric's gone sick. We could twist his arm. 246 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,391 Yeah? What kind of sitcom? 247 00:15:45,475 --> 00:15:49,787 You promise not to scream in a public place if I say the name Tiffany Turner? 248 00:15:51,595 --> 00:15:54,792 You didn't see that docu-soap Up The Aisle and Down the Local? 249 00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:59,544 About a family from Deptford getting ready for their daughter's wedding? 250 00:16:00,155 --> 00:16:02,225 She was the "bridesmaid from hell". 251 00:16:02,315 --> 00:16:06,274 Three months, 1 2 million viewers, and never off the front page. 252 00:16:06,355 --> 00:16:08,823 And the distinction between celebrity and non-entity 253 00:16:08,915 --> 00:16:10,667 having now all but vanished in our society. 254 00:16:10,755 --> 00:16:12,347 You know how it works these days, 255 00:16:12,435 --> 00:16:15,154 flash your tits a few times and sleep with your best friend's fiancé, 256 00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:19,626 they give you a TV show in which you play a loud, randy teenager who can't act. 257 00:16:19,715 --> 00:16:22,468 Are you ready for the title? Lover's Tiff, which.... 258 00:16:22,555 --> 00:16:25,991 I don't think anyone's actually owned up to that one yet, have they? 259 00:16:26,075 --> 00:16:31,149 Seriously, if you want to hang out with us for a week, I could get you a great deal. Or... 260 00:16:31,235 --> 00:16:34,272 you may prefer to have your toenails pulled out very slowly, 261 00:16:34,355 --> 00:16:36,471 which would be arguably less painful. 262 00:16:36,555 --> 00:16:38,432 But don't feel you have to decide now. 263 00:16:39,435 --> 00:16:40,948 I'll give you a ring tonight. 264 00:17:16,115 --> 00:17:18,583 ALICE: How do you ever cope? 265 00:17:18,675 --> 00:17:21,064 I'm still no closer to knowing. 266 00:17:21,155 --> 00:17:25,273 Not only with the fact that someone doesn't exist anymore... 267 00:17:26,635 --> 00:17:29,513 but trying to retrieve what did exist. 268 00:17:30,595 --> 00:17:33,587 When time just continues to dim the memories... 269 00:17:35,835 --> 00:17:39,066 and everything about you that was so special 270 00:17:39,155 --> 00:17:42,784 I can feel, slipping away from me, year by year. 271 00:17:44,275 --> 00:17:47,073 Like a wound that you never want to heal. 272 00:17:47,795 --> 00:17:51,788 It's the only way, I suppose, life can go on. 273 00:17:56,835 --> 00:17:59,349 for stopping by 274 00:17:59,435 --> 00:18:02,586 in this garden of remembrance and eternal peace. 275 00:18:03,675 --> 00:18:08,191 And try not to grieve too much for those who have passed on to a better life. 276 00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:12,790 As you watch me now, I am no more. 277 00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:15,105 Merely dust beneath your feet. 278 00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:20,074 But I want to assure you that in the last few weeks of my life, 279 00:18:20,155 --> 00:18:22,669 I had come to terms with my illness. 280 00:18:23,355 --> 00:18:25,869 Though my time on this earth was running out, 281 00:18:25,955 --> 00:18:29,914 I wanted to be sure that all of you who came here would remember me 282 00:18:29,995 --> 00:18:32,509 with only fond and happy thoughts. 283 00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:36,551 And that in celebration of my life, 284 00:18:36,635 --> 00:18:41,026 you might care to join me now in a favourite hymn by John Bunyan. 285 00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:46,426 ♪ He who would valour see 286 00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:49,825 ♪ Let him come hither 287 00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:53,033 ♪ One here.... ♪ 288 00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,946 Can you believe this? 289 00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:59,224 I mean, with all due respect to the poor young woman and her family, 290 00:18:59,315 --> 00:19:02,591 to say that it's lowered the whole tone of the place.... 291 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,267 I recognise her. 292 00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:07,950 She used to work in the cake shop in Studley Road. 293 00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:11,744 My God, she can't have been more than 30 years old. Whatever happened? 294 00:19:11,835 --> 00:19:16,511 Apparently it's set off by some kind of sensor or something every time someone walks past. 295 00:19:16,595 --> 00:19:20,383 But, well, it's just not on, is it, quite frankly? 296 00:19:22,555 --> 00:19:27,106 Oh, I'm Angela Biswell, by the way. My father's in the next plot but one. 297 00:19:27,955 --> 00:19:31,311 This used to be such a quiet and peaceful cemetery. 298 00:19:31,395 --> 00:19:35,866 To have to put up with this kind of noise nuisance, I think you'll agree, is beyond the pale. 299 00:19:35,955 --> 00:19:38,150 -So.... -Yes, I know. 300 00:19:40,755 --> 00:19:42,985 Erm, sorry, what did you say? 301 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:46,232 We're getting up a petition, if you'd like to sign, 302 00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:48,067 to have her removed. 303 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,350 ♪ Hobgoblin nor foul fiend.... ♪ 304 00:19:57,075 --> 00:20:00,033 You are a complete and utter piece of low-life. 305 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:03,551 I can't believe you would do a thing like that. With Mark! 306 00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:07,469 We was both pissed out of our heads. It didn't mean anything, Sharon. 307 00:20:07,555 --> 00:20:10,308 It was like just a legless leg-over, what do you want me to say? 308 00:20:10,395 --> 00:20:14,547 SHARON: Great timing, Tiff. 309 00:20:19,075 --> 00:20:21,635 Sharon, get off! 310 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,149 No, no, that was just.... 311 00:20:26,235 --> 00:20:30,751 It's like, you know, we're really good mates, really, so, underneath it all. 312 00:20:30,875 --> 00:20:33,912 We just have these little explosions 313 00:20:33,995 --> 00:20:36,190 from time to time, and then.... 314 00:20:36,275 --> 00:20:37,708 When we watched that back together... 315 00:20:39,635 --> 00:20:41,751 ...pissing ourselves, it was such a hoot. 316 00:20:44,835 --> 00:20:46,712 -Hey. -Hello. 317 00:20:46,795 --> 00:20:49,787 Come on in. How was it? I'll go get your keys. 318 00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:54,187 -You have a good time down there? -Yes, it was good. Really nice, actually. 319 00:20:54,915 --> 00:20:58,191 My sister's place, I think I told you, is right near the sea, so.... 320 00:20:58,475 --> 00:21:03,390 Oh! Isn't that, what's her name? What's she up to now, Tiffany Turner? 321 00:21:03,635 --> 00:21:06,024 Yeah. You know this person? 322 00:21:06,115 --> 00:21:08,629 What, the bridesmaid from hell? Who doesn't? 323 00:21:09,115 --> 00:21:10,230 Well.... 324 00:21:10,315 --> 00:21:13,034 Can you believe they've just offered her a sitcom pilot? 325 00:21:13,115 --> 00:21:16,710 This old buddy of mine from the States has cajoled me onto the writing team 326 00:21:16,795 --> 00:21:20,868 so he sent me over this show reel of hers to get me in the mood. 327 00:21:20,955 --> 00:21:23,992 It's everything I'd turned my back on, you know. 328 00:21:24,475 --> 00:21:26,511 But I thought it might do me some good 329 00:21:26,595 --> 00:21:29,155 to get out of the house for a week, have a few laughs. 330 00:21:29,235 --> 00:21:30,668 No, I know. 331 00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:35,306 It can't be much fun for you stuck up there at that desk all day long on your own. 332 00:21:35,675 --> 00:21:38,189 It's no fun being single, is it? 333 00:21:38,275 --> 00:21:41,506 Right. And you're still.... 334 00:21:42,995 --> 00:21:44,872 -Not? -Not... 335 00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:48,550 anything, Gil, sadly. No, but I live in hopes. 336 00:21:49,555 --> 00:21:53,867 And do you know what? I'll swear blind he's been round that house while I've been away. 337 00:21:53,955 --> 00:21:57,106 Poking around at my diary. That's definitely been moved. 338 00:21:57,795 --> 00:22:01,390 'Cause I know he'll be panicking now I might have found someone else. 339 00:22:01,475 --> 00:22:03,784 God, he'd go ballistic. 340 00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:06,833 But, you know, that's like, "Tough, Bob, I'm sorry. 341 00:22:06,915 --> 00:22:09,907 "You should have thought of that before you started buying your thrills 342 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,384 "from that goofy-looking article in...." 343 00:22:14,755 --> 00:22:18,589 Anyway. This isn't helping you with your work, is it? So.... 344 00:22:20,515 --> 00:22:23,552 Anyway, thanks ever so much for keeping an eye on everything. 345 00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,227 No problem, Irene. 346 00:22:25,315 --> 00:22:27,829 And maybe you should get those locks changed. 347 00:22:27,915 --> 00:22:29,906 Maybe I will. Good idea. 348 00:22:30,755 --> 00:22:32,905 -See you. -Bye. 349 00:22:55,195 --> 00:22:58,187 I'm not a soft touch. But this is. 350 00:22:58,675 --> 00:23:00,905 A loo roll with a difference. 351 00:23:00,995 --> 00:23:04,988 MAN: Thanks to its triple-ply cushioning, Harley's toilet tissue is extra kind 352 00:23:05,075 --> 00:23:07,145 to even the most sensitive skin. 353 00:23:07,235 --> 00:23:11,672 It's the only one for me. And contrary to rumours, I'm very particular. 354 00:23:13,155 --> 00:23:17,307 ♪ Harley Loo Rolls, Harley Loo Rolls ♪ 355 00:24:16,835 --> 00:24:18,268 You okay, Ali? 356 00:24:18,355 --> 00:24:21,711 -What is it, that thing again? -Please don't call it a thing. It's not a thing. 357 00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:25,105 It's just a twinge. That's all, at the moment. 358 00:24:25,195 --> 00:24:26,833 Yes, can I help? 359 00:24:30,595 --> 00:24:34,554 'Cause, I mean, that was all I needed yesterday, wasn't it, on top of everything else? 360 00:24:34,675 --> 00:24:38,668 I can't believe I signed a petition to have someone evicted from their grave. 361 00:24:38,755 --> 00:24:40,313 But that wasn't the worst of it. 362 00:24:40,395 --> 00:24:43,626 The worst of it was when I called in at the cake shop on my way back 363 00:24:43,715 --> 00:24:48,391 to find out what she actually died of at the ripe old age of 31 . 364 00:24:49,435 --> 00:24:51,903 -And it was just what you never want to hear. -What? 365 00:24:51,995 --> 00:24:53,633 Never mind. 366 00:24:53,715 --> 00:24:55,785 Can we talk about something else, please? 367 00:24:55,875 --> 00:24:59,311 Something here you can talk about. I don't think you'll be very thrilled. 368 00:24:59,395 --> 00:25:00,623 What? 369 00:25:00,715 --> 00:25:03,912 Remember those pictures they took of you the other day? 370 00:25:11,555 --> 00:25:14,308 Oh, well, that's really wonderful, isn't it? 371 00:25:17,155 --> 00:25:21,592 "Do you have the dynamic, thrusting personality that's needed to become a top sales assistant 372 00:25:21,675 --> 00:25:24,667 "or is your job on the counter just a daily chore? 373 00:25:24,755 --> 00:25:27,508 "Find out your retail rating 374 00:25:27,595 --> 00:25:31,474 "by checking your attributes against the two archetypes below." 375 00:25:31,795 --> 00:25:35,105 Oh, no. Look at all the things they've put here. 376 00:25:36,275 --> 00:25:40,154 "Hunched posture denotes tension and insecurity. 377 00:25:41,035 --> 00:25:43,151 "Forced, sickly smile 378 00:25:43,235 --> 00:25:46,989 "suggests attempt to project a false air of confidence. 379 00:25:47,075 --> 00:25:49,350 "Floppy, pigeon-toed stance 380 00:25:49,435 --> 00:25:52,472 "associated with equivocation and indecision." 381 00:25:52,555 --> 00:25:55,672 It is just outrageous. You could sue them for libel. 382 00:25:55,875 --> 00:25:58,753 Unfortunately, you can only sue for libel if it's not true. 383 00:25:58,835 --> 00:26:00,234 Yes, but.... 384 00:26:00,315 --> 00:26:03,227 Well, I've a good mind to ring up their editor, I tell you. 385 00:26:03,315 --> 00:26:05,545 What's the point? It'd just be a waste of time. 386 00:26:05,635 --> 00:26:07,751 Oh, yes, that tallies, look. 387 00:26:07,835 --> 00:26:12,226 "Glazed, faraway look in eyes, classic sign of an apathetic nature." 388 00:26:15,995 --> 00:26:18,304 Okay, scene four, where are we? 389 00:26:18,395 --> 00:26:19,748 "Tiffany enters the office, 390 00:26:19,835 --> 00:26:23,225 "Moose is standing by the photocopier, filling his face with a cheeseburger. 391 00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:26,148 "She says, 'What are you doing with that great unhealthy lump of junk?' 392 00:26:26,235 --> 00:26:27,873 "He says, 'It's just a cheeseburger."' 393 00:26:27,955 --> 00:26:30,515 "She says, 'I was talking to the cheeseburger."' 394 00:26:30,595 --> 00:26:33,507 Well, goodbye, folks. That one's dead in the water, I'm afraid. 395 00:26:33,595 --> 00:26:35,472 She didn't go for it, so delete, please, Lisa. 396 00:26:35,555 --> 00:26:38,592 -What do you mean? -Didn't go for it, she didn't think it was funny. 397 00:26:38,675 --> 00:26:41,951 Didn't she realise we were up all night translating from the original Latin? 398 00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:43,866 You heard the way it bombed at the read-through. 399 00:26:43,955 --> 00:26:46,344 Of course it bombed, because she hit the word cheeseburger. 400 00:26:46,435 --> 00:26:48,790 "It's just a cheeseburger." "I was talking to the cheeseburger." 401 00:26:48,875 --> 00:26:51,992 -Duh! -What did I tell you guys our first day here? 402 00:26:52,075 --> 00:26:55,112 She may know her way round a dick, but she knows dick about comedy. 403 00:26:55,195 --> 00:26:59,074 That's a given, so come on, we need a new put-down here for Moose. So let's go. 404 00:26:59,155 --> 00:27:01,828 He's already eaten the cheeseburger when she comes in 405 00:27:01,915 --> 00:27:05,590 and he's just sucking the last drop of ketchup out of that little sachet. 406 00:27:05,675 --> 00:27:09,270 He says, "That Big Mac was a bit tasteless." 407 00:27:09,355 --> 00:27:11,823 "You're meant to take it out of the box." 408 00:27:11,915 --> 00:27:15,908 "That Big Mac was really tasteless." "Yeah, it matches your shirt." 409 00:27:16,035 --> 00:27:19,505 -Yeah, I suppose, if we're really desperate. -Which I think we know we are. 410 00:27:19,595 --> 00:27:22,792 -We could always wheel out this party piece. -What's this? 411 00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:27,471 Robby Todd, the actor who plays Moose, has the ability to hold a belch for 35 seconds, nonstop. 412 00:27:27,555 --> 00:27:30,831 Which, tragically, will get a bigger laugh than anything we could ever write. 413 00:27:30,915 --> 00:27:34,669 Okay. All right. Listen, so she'll just stand there staring at him 414 00:27:34,755 --> 00:27:37,508 and she waits for him to finish, and what does she say? 415 00:27:37,595 --> 00:27:41,474 -She says? -"God, you are unbelievable." 416 00:27:41,555 --> 00:27:43,830 -"I didn't know you were an atheist." -Yes. 417 00:27:43,915 --> 00:27:48,067 -"Enough with your atheist remarks." -"Which, as a Quaker, I find very offensive." 418 00:27:48,155 --> 00:27:52,467 -As a practising Quaker. -"As a practising Quaker, I find most offensive." 419 00:27:52,595 --> 00:27:56,554 Yeah. You don't think the religious heterodoxy might be a little bit taxing for her? 420 00:27:56,675 --> 00:28:00,145 -"What's an atheist?" -"What's a Quaker? Is that like a posh duck?" 421 00:28:00,235 --> 00:28:03,352 Maybe. You think we should be hitting on the fact he's really heavy 422 00:28:03,435 --> 00:28:05,426 to tie in with that stuff later on in the restaurant? 423 00:28:05,515 --> 00:28:07,471 That is a really good point, actually. 424 00:28:07,555 --> 00:28:09,386 How about.... 425 00:28:09,475 --> 00:28:12,911 He says.... No, she says, "Have you ever heard of the word diet?" 426 00:28:12,995 --> 00:28:15,429 He says, "Why? Are you implying I'm overweight?" 427 00:28:15,515 --> 00:28:18,871 "Overweight? Before you arrived, this office was on the top floor." 428 00:28:18,955 --> 00:28:20,308 -Nice. -Fantastic! 429 00:28:20,395 --> 00:28:21,794 -Good. -That'll work. 430 00:28:21,875 --> 00:28:23,467 Okay. Everybody agreed? 431 00:28:23,555 --> 00:28:25,989 Yes, print it. Let's order the ice cream. 432 00:28:28,195 --> 00:28:30,868 So what do you think? How's he gonna fare down there? 433 00:28:30,955 --> 00:28:33,344 You know, I swear you were actually having fun. 434 00:28:33,435 --> 00:28:34,834 Yeah, does it show? 435 00:28:34,915 --> 00:28:38,749 'Cause I think I'd forgotten how good this is for the soul. 436 00:28:40,115 --> 00:28:43,824 Well, that just goes to prove you need to get out more 437 00:28:43,915 --> 00:28:46,065 and interact a little. 438 00:28:46,155 --> 00:28:48,589 So, is that good? What is that, blueberry? 439 00:28:48,675 --> 00:28:50,154 You want a try? 440 00:28:52,915 --> 00:28:54,428 You've got some.... 441 00:28:54,515 --> 00:28:58,428 Okie dokie, folkies. Looks like we have a new star player on the team. 442 00:28:58,515 --> 00:28:59,630 Hey! 443 00:28:59,715 --> 00:29:03,788 -She got to your line, fell on the floor. -Well, it's like you said. 444 00:29:03,875 --> 00:29:05,752 She knows dick about comedy. 445 00:29:05,835 --> 00:29:08,952 And then, you know that thing when someone says to you, 446 00:29:09,035 --> 00:29:11,833 "With no disrespect, but...." 447 00:29:11,915 --> 00:29:14,554 -Oh, God! -You know something horrible's coming. 448 00:29:14,635 --> 00:29:16,751 That is always the precursor to an insult. 449 00:29:16,835 --> 00:29:21,192 "With no disrespect, but...." God, I would've smacked her one. 450 00:29:22,195 --> 00:29:25,153 Where did that word come from? Precursor? 451 00:29:25,235 --> 00:29:28,830 What? That's right, isn't it? Something that comes before? 452 00:29:28,915 --> 00:29:31,952 I heard some bloke use it the other day on the radio, I just.... 453 00:29:32,035 --> 00:29:34,993 -Nicked it off him. As is your custom. -That's right! 454 00:29:35,915 --> 00:29:39,146 This is not actually funny, is it, Milly? Not really. 455 00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:42,033 Because thieving isn't funny. Is it, Billy? 456 00:29:43,155 --> 00:29:46,306 -I think we agreed? -Yeah, of course we did. Yeah. 457 00:29:46,395 --> 00:29:48,829 Come on. I mean, do I look a mug? 458 00:29:48,915 --> 00:29:51,588 Everything I said, I meant it. You know that. 459 00:29:55,355 --> 00:29:56,674 Ooh! 460 00:29:58,795 --> 00:30:02,151 You know what I think would be good for you, Ali, is colonic irrigation. 461 00:30:02,235 --> 00:30:05,307 I'm serious! Clean sweep of things sometimes, you'd be surprised. 462 00:30:05,395 --> 00:30:07,192 Yeah, but you wanna be careful of all that 463 00:30:07,275 --> 00:30:09,664 because what I heard, if you don't keep up the payments, 464 00:30:09,755 --> 00:30:12,223 they come round and put it all back. 465 00:30:12,315 --> 00:30:13,828 Behave yourself. 466 00:30:13,915 --> 00:30:18,113 -Gonna just pop to the loo then. Ali? -No, thank you. 467 00:30:19,595 --> 00:30:21,347 -What's he like? -Yeah. 468 00:30:21,835 --> 00:30:25,305 Why do they do that, women? Always go off together to the toilet. 469 00:30:25,395 --> 00:30:27,351 Do you actually want to know? 470 00:30:27,435 --> 00:30:29,744 It's to compare notes on the global economy 471 00:30:29,835 --> 00:30:33,714 and the restrictive practice of trade tariffs. And honestly, it is so heavy, 472 00:30:33,795 --> 00:30:36,070 the political debate that goes on in front of that mirror, 473 00:30:36,155 --> 00:30:39,670 when all I want to do is just shove a bit of lipstick on. 474 00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,586 So I tend to give it a miss. 475 00:30:42,875 --> 00:30:45,184 Look, I know what you're thinking. 476 00:30:45,275 --> 00:30:48,267 What is she doing going out with a miscreant like me, right? 477 00:30:48,355 --> 00:30:51,984 Piece of shit who was trying to steal her car. Which, yeah, I was, but.... 478 00:30:52,075 --> 00:30:55,829 -Is that the right word, miscreant? -Miscreant piece of shit. 479 00:30:55,915 --> 00:30:59,032 But it's like, it doesn't matter, does it? How you find someone. 480 00:30:59,115 --> 00:31:03,028 In the weirdest ways sometimes, because all I know is, me and Cleo.... 481 00:31:03,115 --> 00:31:06,391 I mean, she says she's gonna straighten me out, and she will. 482 00:31:06,475 --> 00:31:09,035 And I want her to, because I just think, 483 00:31:09,115 --> 00:31:12,027 when it's meant to be, with two people, that's fate. 484 00:31:12,395 --> 00:31:13,589 You can't fight it. 485 00:31:13,675 --> 00:31:17,748 And it's like with you and this guy in your flats. I mean, if he's up for it, why not? 486 00:31:18,555 --> 00:31:21,513 Hm. Well, somehow I don't think so, Billy. 487 00:31:21,595 --> 00:31:25,747 Sounds to me as if he's stuck in a dead relationship he'd kill to get out of. 488 00:31:25,835 --> 00:31:28,303 He could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. 489 00:31:28,395 --> 00:31:31,034 But you're not gonna find out, Alice, are you? 490 00:31:31,115 --> 00:31:33,390 Unless you put it to the test. 491 00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:35,943 See, it all depends on you. 492 00:31:37,315 --> 00:31:39,909 And whether I'm a go-getter or a non-starter. 493 00:31:40,395 --> 00:31:41,464 Sorry? 494 00:31:43,555 --> 00:31:47,514 -Have you ever heard of the word diet? -Why? You implying I'm overweight? 495 00:31:47,595 --> 00:31:48,789 Overweight? 496 00:31:48,875 --> 00:31:52,231 Before you arrived this office was on the top floor. 497 00:31:52,315 --> 00:31:58,151 No! Don't stress the word "top", you imbecile! You just destroyed the whole elegance. 498 00:31:58,235 --> 00:32:01,227 What's that, 1 2 jokes now she's killed since the recording started? 499 00:32:01,315 --> 00:32:04,785 -And we're only on scene four. -Every line, a bum note. 500 00:32:04,875 --> 00:32:08,550 But, look on the bright side, no one's gonna die laughing this time. 501 00:32:09,115 --> 00:32:12,152 -It got a reaction. -Yeah, like the reaction I get when I eat shellfish. 502 00:32:12,235 --> 00:32:14,351 That was a mass exhalation of derision. 503 00:32:14,435 --> 00:32:18,064 -I've got a bloody awful gut ache. -That figures, you've got a bloody awful gut. 504 00:32:18,155 --> 00:32:20,350 Oh, God! She's done it again! 505 00:32:20,435 --> 00:32:23,268 Isn't one hangover enough for you in the mornings? 506 00:32:23,355 --> 00:32:27,507 Whatever that happy pill was she was popping before the show, hasn't improved her timing. 507 00:32:27,595 --> 00:32:31,110 -Are you serious? They let her get away with that? -She's a celebrity now. 508 00:32:31,195 --> 00:32:33,026 And I use both hands. 509 00:32:33,115 --> 00:32:36,505 Probably had the recreational drugs written into her contract. 510 00:32:36,635 --> 00:32:40,389 You see, after all this, working on your own again will be a doddle. 511 00:32:40,675 --> 00:32:43,906 Except I've got a horrible feeling I'm gonna miss the company. 512 00:32:43,995 --> 00:32:46,873 -And the catering. -Definitely the catering. 513 00:32:46,955 --> 00:32:49,105 -Although, my own catering is.... -Yeah? 514 00:32:49,195 --> 00:32:52,107 -Pretty top-notch? -Well... 515 00:32:52,195 --> 00:32:55,107 you know, if you're ever near my place and feeling hungry.... 516 00:32:55,195 --> 00:32:57,345 That sounds like an invitation. 517 00:32:57,435 --> 00:32:58,629 When? 518 00:32:59,995 --> 00:33:01,110 Tomorrow night? 519 00:34:21,275 --> 00:34:22,754 So... 520 00:34:23,315 --> 00:34:25,067 that guy in your flat. 521 00:34:25,155 --> 00:34:28,033 -Did you ever decide to.... -Sorry? 522 00:34:28,115 --> 00:34:29,184 No! 523 00:34:31,955 --> 00:34:33,627 Um... 524 00:34:33,715 --> 00:34:35,990 I don't know. Perhaps tonight. 525 00:34:51,315 --> 00:34:55,433 What are you doing? She's coming around for dinner! 526 00:34:55,515 --> 00:34:58,507 I mean, come on. This is lunacy. 527 00:34:58,595 --> 00:35:02,429 Yeah, but, in the event of the unexpected, you know. 528 00:35:02,555 --> 00:35:06,753 Never underestimate the value of a little crisp, clean cotton. 529 00:35:15,035 --> 00:35:17,071 VANESSA: Gil? Hello? 530 00:35:17,155 --> 00:35:19,794 Vanessa! How're you doing, is everything okay? 531 00:35:19,875 --> 00:35:22,833 VANESSA: Yeah, no problem. We're just running a bit late, that's all. 532 00:35:22,915 --> 00:35:27,306 There's been a big accident so it's taking a while to clear. 533 00:35:27,395 --> 00:35:29,431 How long do you think before we get going again? 534 00:35:29,515 --> 00:35:32,985 CLARK: I don't know, 20, 25 minutes. It's gonna slow us down, no question. 535 00:35:33,075 --> 00:35:37,114 VANESSA: Yeah, so we're probably talking about 8.:30 now, is that okay? 536 00:35:37,435 --> 00:35:39,585 8:30, yeah, that'll be fine. 537 00:35:42,995 --> 00:35:46,749 -...so, see you then. -Yeah, look forward to it. Bye. 538 00:35:50,075 --> 00:35:52,543 Gil Raymond, how do you manage it? 539 00:36:14,755 --> 00:36:20,273 GIL: Yeah, like she's gonna be sitting there all unattached and available waiting for you! 540 00:36:20,355 --> 00:36:21,708 Grow up! 541 00:36:21,795 --> 00:36:26,915 And now you've got a whole evening ahead of you, Mr Sad, Single Guy All On His Own. 542 00:36:26,995 --> 00:36:30,954 Watching her and Clark cosying up to each other. Oh, shit! 543 00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:37,953 Why not? 544 00:36:38,035 --> 00:36:42,631 Because you've got a lot of credit there in the Bank of Moral Support. 545 00:36:43,435 --> 00:36:45,471 I mean, if anyone owes you.... 546 00:36:48,355 --> 00:36:49,708 Irene. 547 00:36:49,795 --> 00:36:51,911 Yes! Hi, how are you? 548 00:36:51,995 --> 00:36:54,509 Listen, I know this is really short notice, 549 00:36:54,595 --> 00:37:00,352 but I was wondering if you were free at all tonight for a little dinner party. 550 00:37:06,875 --> 00:37:09,264 ALICE: Now, come on. 551 00:37:09,355 --> 00:37:12,506 You've got to put all that "friendly advice" right out of your head 552 00:37:12,595 --> 00:37:14,347 and be grown up about this. 553 00:37:14,435 --> 00:37:17,984 For the sake of their relationship, it's the least you can do. 554 00:37:20,235 --> 00:37:22,226 I mean, he's barely past puberty. 555 00:37:22,315 --> 00:37:25,352 What can he know about the complex emotions of adulthood? 556 00:37:25,435 --> 00:37:28,984 Once he sees you out of that uniform, in a boring old trouser suit, 557 00:37:29,075 --> 00:37:31,714 we'll have a nice, sensible chat, the three of us, 558 00:37:31,795 --> 00:37:34,753 and put this whole silly affair into perspective. 559 00:37:38,515 --> 00:37:39,994 Oh, my God. 560 00:37:40,075 --> 00:37:42,225 Hello. Mike, is it? 561 00:37:44,275 --> 00:37:47,028 My name's Alice, from upstairs? 562 00:37:48,715 --> 00:37:51,548 You might want to tell Emma I'm here because... 563 00:37:52,995 --> 00:37:55,987 she told me, you know, that.... 564 00:37:58,555 --> 00:38:01,023 Emma's gone out for the evening. 565 00:38:01,515 --> 00:38:02,914 Come in. 566 00:38:04,075 --> 00:38:05,633 Oh, right. 567 00:38:14,115 --> 00:38:15,912 God! 568 00:38:15,995 --> 00:38:20,511 I can't believe she would just.... I mean, just knock on your door like that and.... 569 00:38:21,835 --> 00:38:23,427 It's like, her whole attitude 570 00:38:23,515 --> 00:38:27,064 whenever we try and discuss all this, is so patronising. 571 00:38:27,195 --> 00:38:30,870 Like it's just some twitty little schoolboy crush on my part. 572 00:38:30,955 --> 00:38:33,185 She can't conceive that my interest in you 573 00:38:33,275 --> 00:38:36,506 could be motivated by anything other than physical lust. 574 00:38:36,595 --> 00:38:39,063 I suppose she said that to you. 575 00:38:39,155 --> 00:38:43,467 -Well, she did sort of intimate.... -And that is a big part of it, obviously. 576 00:38:43,555 --> 00:38:46,547 -Okay. -But, it's so much more than that. 577 00:38:47,955 --> 00:38:52,153 The first day I saw you, there was such a.... I don't know. 578 00:38:52,235 --> 00:38:55,784 Positive energy and empathy about you. 579 00:38:56,275 --> 00:39:00,951 So much, I could tell, going on in your head, and such wisdom in your eyes. 580 00:39:01,035 --> 00:39:05,904 I knew right off the bat that there was no way we wouldn't hit it off if we ever got together. 581 00:39:05,995 --> 00:39:08,429 That you were obviously very special. 582 00:39:08,515 --> 00:39:12,713 Yes, Mike. Can I just stop you there, do you think, before we get ahead of ourselves because... 583 00:39:12,795 --> 00:39:14,751 I'm not sure... 584 00:39:14,835 --> 00:39:19,465 there isn't a little bit of that crush thing you were talking about, do you reckon? 585 00:39:19,555 --> 00:39:22,865 -I mean, when you really get down to it. -I love that outfit, by the way. 586 00:39:22,955 --> 00:39:26,072 Because if you actually stop and.... Really? 587 00:39:26,155 --> 00:39:28,510 Oh, bless you. You know, it's just.... 588 00:39:28,595 --> 00:39:31,746 I'm afraid I've always found women in trousers a serious turn-on. 589 00:39:31,835 --> 00:39:33,507 What is it, do you think? 590 00:39:33,595 --> 00:39:37,986 The poise and elegance? I don't know, it's just so flattering. 591 00:39:39,955 --> 00:39:41,866 But sorry, go on. 592 00:39:42,955 --> 00:39:44,388 Er.... 593 00:39:45,395 --> 00:39:48,114 Yes, I seem to have forgotten what I was talking about. 594 00:39:48,195 --> 00:39:51,949 Anyway, look, sit down. Can I get you a glass of wine or something? 595 00:39:52,075 --> 00:39:56,546 Yes, thank you! Big help that would be, I think. 596 00:39:57,795 --> 00:40:01,629 God, I'm talking backwards. Just give me a second. 597 00:40:05,075 --> 00:40:08,829 You see, I'm just a bit concerned, Mike, that.... 598 00:40:08,915 --> 00:40:11,713 You know, you've got a lovely relationship here with Emma, 599 00:40:11,795 --> 00:40:15,151 and, you know, a lovely home together. 600 00:40:15,235 --> 00:40:17,385 Is that what she said to you? 601 00:40:17,475 --> 00:40:20,547 Well, yes, she.... Thanks. 602 00:40:21,515 --> 00:40:23,107 Well... 603 00:40:23,195 --> 00:40:27,507 let me tell you, there's been a lot of reconstructive surgery there just lately. 604 00:40:29,715 --> 00:40:32,309 I wouldn't say the prognosis is good. 605 00:40:33,275 --> 00:40:34,594 So.... 606 00:40:35,915 --> 00:40:38,224 But let's talk about you, Alice. 607 00:40:39,115 --> 00:40:41,151 You work in London? 608 00:40:41,235 --> 00:40:42,554 Sorry? Yes. 609 00:40:43,475 --> 00:40:45,033 Well, I'm... 610 00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:47,706 an account manager 611 00:40:48,715 --> 00:40:52,230 for a large fragrance company. 612 00:40:53,275 --> 00:40:54,264 Erm.... 613 00:40:55,675 --> 00:40:59,588 Men's and women's perfumes, cosmetics, 614 00:40:59,675 --> 00:41:01,313 skin-care products. 615 00:41:03,715 --> 00:41:05,706 We have this franchise, within the store, 616 00:41:05,795 --> 00:41:09,344 so it's half-governed by them, 617 00:41:09,435 --> 00:41:11,266 administratively, but... 618 00:41:12,315 --> 00:41:17,435 we retain the status of an independent concession... 619 00:41:17,515 --> 00:41:18,994 as far as... 620 00:41:19,075 --> 00:41:23,466 sales and the trading aspect of it all. 621 00:41:24,475 --> 00:41:28,229 -What? What is it, what can you feel? -Nothing! No, nothing. 622 00:41:28,315 --> 00:41:30,271 Yes, you can. You're a doctor. Or training to be one. 623 00:41:30,355 --> 00:41:32,471 -What did you just feel down there? -Calm down, Alice. 624 00:41:32,555 --> 00:41:36,309 -God, you're as nervous as a kitten. -I am, aren't I? Sorry. It's just.... 625 00:41:37,955 --> 00:41:41,106 -Do you think I could use your toilet? -Absolutely. 626 00:41:41,195 --> 00:41:43,755 God. Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.... 627 00:42:07,315 --> 00:42:10,830 Oh, my God! 628 00:42:15,035 --> 00:42:16,753 Ah! Finally. 629 00:42:16,835 --> 00:42:19,633 My God, do you think you could live somewhere a bit easier to get to? 630 00:42:19,715 --> 00:42:23,344 Like Tibet, or if they had more than one taxi at your railway station it'd be a help. 631 00:42:23,435 --> 00:42:25,153 I had to wait 20 minutes.... 632 00:42:25,235 --> 00:42:26,509 What? 633 00:42:27,635 --> 00:42:29,387 Er, no. 634 00:42:29,915 --> 00:42:31,553 No, no, no. 635 00:42:32,915 --> 00:42:34,394 It's great to see you. 636 00:42:34,475 --> 00:42:37,035 I mean, because dear old Clark, I know he meant well, but.... 637 00:42:37,115 --> 00:42:39,265 "I can drop you off at Euston, it's on my way home." 638 00:42:39,355 --> 00:42:41,266 I'd have been quicker walking. 639 00:42:42,635 --> 00:42:46,753 Anyway I think I'm ready for that large drink you were about to offer me so.... 640 00:42:46,835 --> 00:42:50,953 -This is all a bit nice, isn't it? -Right! You'll be ready for that. 641 00:42:51,035 --> 00:42:56,587 So, er...come on through then and meet Irene. 642 00:43:01,035 --> 00:43:03,788 ...and if it hadn't been for this nice man, 643 00:43:03,875 --> 00:43:07,470 who's been more of a comfort to me, actually, than I think he realises, 644 00:43:07,555 --> 00:43:10,023 I might never have got through it. 645 00:43:10,115 --> 00:43:11,912 Really? Wow. 646 00:43:12,675 --> 00:43:14,108 I can imagine... 647 00:43:14,195 --> 00:43:16,663 that must have been quite a shock to the system. 648 00:43:16,755 --> 00:43:18,825 I'll tell you, it absolutely just shows 649 00:43:18,915 --> 00:43:21,145 how you can never take anyone for granted in this life. 650 00:43:21,235 --> 00:43:22,429 Doesn't it? 651 00:43:22,515 --> 00:43:25,075 When you think of all the time we waste... 652 00:43:25,155 --> 00:43:28,750 -on emotional dead ends. -Jumping to all the wrong conclusions. 653 00:43:28,835 --> 00:43:31,713 It's like, you think you've got the measure of someone and then.... 654 00:43:31,795 --> 00:43:34,673 And sometimes, maybe you have except... 655 00:43:34,755 --> 00:43:37,508 -you don't even know it because.... -IRENE: Relationships! 656 00:43:37,595 --> 00:43:40,792 When you look at everything that has to be factored in. 657 00:43:40,875 --> 00:43:45,665 I don't know, Vanessa, it's probably very different for you these days but... 658 00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:51,591 when I was young, I mean that whole thing, you know, of your racial background. 659 00:43:52,835 --> 00:43:57,431 I know, myself, so often could be an issue with boys that.... 660 00:43:57,515 --> 00:44:02,031 What? I beg your pardon? I'm sorry. What do you mean, your racial background? 661 00:44:02,755 --> 00:44:04,985 Well, the fact that I was black. 662 00:44:05,075 --> 00:44:08,033 I mean, 30 years ago, you know. 663 00:44:08,115 --> 00:44:10,709 Rather less enlightened times, I'm afraid. 664 00:44:11,795 --> 00:44:14,787 I know. People are always surprised, obviously. 665 00:44:14,875 --> 00:44:17,264 Because with my mother being white.... 666 00:44:18,715 --> 00:44:22,344 You know, sometimes in cases like mine, it's impossible to tell.... 667 00:44:23,555 --> 00:44:26,592 Oh, no, I mean even to this day... 668 00:44:27,515 --> 00:44:30,552 genetically or whatever, 669 00:44:30,635 --> 00:44:33,752 in my own mind, I've never thought of myself as anything else. 670 00:44:34,475 --> 00:44:36,272 So, anyway.... 671 00:44:40,155 --> 00:44:42,430 I suppose that's another story. 672 00:45:17,395 --> 00:45:21,354 -What the hell is going on here? -Emma? 673 00:45:21,435 --> 00:45:24,825 He's just gone to the chemist's. 674 00:45:24,915 --> 00:45:27,065 He should be back in a second. 675 00:45:31,995 --> 00:45:34,873 Erm, you might want to pop out for a while. 676 00:45:34,955 --> 00:45:38,106 It appears to be a faecal impaction in the lower colonic tract, 677 00:45:38,195 --> 00:45:40,151 which I'm just hoping will respond to treatment. 678 00:45:40,235 --> 00:45:43,591 -If you could give us about 20 minutes. -What sort of treatment? 679 00:45:43,675 --> 00:45:45,586 What have you got in that bag? 680 00:45:48,795 --> 00:45:51,514 Oh, God! Michael. 681 00:45:51,595 --> 00:45:55,907 Come on, she's in the most terrible pain here. I think it's the least we can do. 682 00:45:56,755 --> 00:46:00,509 Now, this might be a little bit uncomfortable just to start with. 683 00:46:00,595 --> 00:46:01,994 ALICE: Okay. 684 00:46:08,995 --> 00:46:10,110 Well. 685 00:46:10,195 --> 00:46:11,913 Thank you very much. 686 00:46:11,995 --> 00:46:14,350 Both of you, for a lovely meal. 687 00:46:15,675 --> 00:46:19,190 Yeah. Vanessa, maybe if I give you a call.... 688 00:46:19,275 --> 00:46:21,106 Yeah, why not? 689 00:46:21,635 --> 00:46:23,034 Sometime. 690 00:46:23,435 --> 00:46:25,426 It was nice to have met you, Irene. 691 00:46:31,275 --> 00:46:33,948 Actually, I really wasn't trying to horn in, you know, 692 00:46:34,035 --> 00:46:37,391 so, you didn't have to play the race card. 693 00:46:39,595 --> 00:46:41,108 See you, Gil. 694 00:46:46,515 --> 00:46:48,745 What is her problem? 695 00:46:48,835 --> 00:46:50,393 Right now? 696 00:46:50,955 --> 00:46:53,992 Her problem, I would guess, is me. 697 00:46:55,355 --> 00:46:59,507 Right now, in her eyes I am just one big burlap sack of monkey shit... 698 00:47:00,235 --> 00:47:04,433 who appears to like black women, so long as they're white. 699 00:47:06,835 --> 00:47:08,985 Oh, God! Sorry. 700 00:47:13,275 --> 00:47:14,469 So.... 701 00:47:15,155 --> 00:47:16,508 Right, well.... 702 00:47:16,955 --> 00:47:18,354 I suppose I'll... 703 00:47:19,395 --> 00:47:21,192 say goodnight, then. 704 00:48:15,715 --> 00:48:17,671 Oh, God, what are we doing? 705 00:48:17,755 --> 00:48:19,666 Should we be doing this? 706 00:48:19,755 --> 00:48:22,667 Do you think? Because, I mean... 707 00:48:22,755 --> 00:48:26,794 obviously, I've always had the sense there was something you weren't telling me. 708 00:48:26,875 --> 00:48:29,343 I mean, right after that first night 709 00:48:29,435 --> 00:48:32,507 when I came round here and found that photo... 710 00:48:33,035 --> 00:48:35,503 you'd been playing around with, I mean.... 711 00:48:35,595 --> 00:48:38,905 Putting my face on your husband's body? I mean, that was.... 712 00:48:39,355 --> 00:48:41,471 You saw that and you never said anything? 713 00:48:41,555 --> 00:48:44,865 What was I going to say? I mean, you were going through a traumatic time. 714 00:48:44,955 --> 00:48:47,105 You can't know how traumatic. 715 00:48:47,195 --> 00:48:52,189 When your whole life is turned inside out like that, what it does to you inside is just.... 716 00:48:53,315 --> 00:48:54,987 I can imagine. 717 00:49:05,195 --> 00:49:09,427 Oh, my God! It's his car! It's Bob! 718 00:49:09,515 --> 00:49:12,109 Are you serious? Well that's it, I'm dead! 719 00:49:12,195 --> 00:49:13,674 We're all dead! 720 00:49:29,235 --> 00:49:31,430 -Irene. -What are you doing here? 721 00:49:31,515 --> 00:49:36,225 For the love of God, please, please, sweetheart. I'm just all out of apologies. 722 00:49:36,315 --> 00:49:38,954 You can't be enjoying this anymore than I am. 723 00:49:39,315 --> 00:49:40,668 I just.... 724 00:49:41,875 --> 00:49:44,389 I just want things to be... 725 00:49:44,475 --> 00:49:45,954 like they were before.... 726 00:49:46,035 --> 00:49:47,787 They will be, I promise. 727 00:49:54,395 --> 00:49:58,866 Oh, God, Gil. You had me scared there for a minute. 728 00:49:58,955 --> 00:50:01,674 I thought she'd got a man in here or something. 729 00:50:02,115 --> 00:50:05,903 No, you know, I just called around for a chat. 730 00:50:05,995 --> 00:50:08,748 -Make sure she was okay. -Oh, bless you! I appreciate that. 731 00:50:08,835 --> 00:50:10,632 Of course, I just started wittering on.... 732 00:50:10,715 --> 00:50:13,548 About how much she was missing you, if you want to know. 733 00:50:13,635 --> 00:50:16,911 -Boring him witless, I dare say. -About my stupid antics. 734 00:50:16,995 --> 00:50:19,304 You know, I've been such an idiot, Gil. 735 00:50:20,155 --> 00:50:25,752 Well, we all make mistakes. We wouldn't be human. Any of us. 736 00:50:25,835 --> 00:50:27,871 You've proved it for yourself. 737 00:50:27,955 --> 00:50:31,027 The grass is definitely not greener, no way. 738 00:50:34,835 --> 00:50:37,303 What do you mean? What grass? 739 00:50:37,395 --> 00:50:38,510 Sorry? 740 00:50:38,595 --> 00:50:41,063 Whose grass is this we're talking about? 741 00:50:41,715 --> 00:50:45,867 -Or would you rather not say? -Nobody's! Of course not! 742 00:50:45,955 --> 00:50:49,743 -My God! I might have known! -And what difference would it make anyway? 743 00:50:49,835 --> 00:50:53,987 I'm hardly out of the door and you're at it! Right off the bloody starting blocks! Who was he? 744 00:50:54,075 --> 00:50:57,829 Excuse me, I don't think you're in any position to start laying down the law. 745 00:50:57,915 --> 00:51:00,634 -Who was he? -The dustman, okay? 746 00:51:01,035 --> 00:51:04,107 His name was Ray. Do you want all the sordid details? 747 00:51:04,195 --> 00:51:07,346 -It's obviously an area you specialise in! -Thank you very much, no! 748 00:51:07,435 --> 00:51:11,348 The erotic appeal of the refuse collection industry, I'm afraid, is sadly lost on me. 749 00:51:11,435 --> 00:51:14,871 -Don't you dare start to patronise me like that! -This is unbelievable. 750 00:51:14,955 --> 00:51:18,186 I've got to go. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get my head around this. 751 00:51:21,115 --> 00:51:25,506 -Okay, I suppose I'll be.... -Where the hell do you think you're going? 752 00:51:26,355 --> 00:51:27,424 Sorry? 753 00:51:48,555 --> 00:51:50,785 Faecal impaction. Isn't that the one where.... 754 00:51:50,875 --> 00:51:53,548 Glenn Close jumps out of the bath with a knife, yes, very funny. 755 00:51:53,635 --> 00:51:56,274 What? No, I wasn't gonna say that. 756 00:51:56,355 --> 00:51:58,266 I was gonna say the one where they get a long tube, 757 00:51:58,355 --> 00:52:00,505 like Cleo was talking about the other night, and then.... 758 00:52:00,595 --> 00:52:03,473 Yes, thank you, Milly. If we could just stop there, do you think? 759 00:52:03,555 --> 00:52:07,548 Before we get into any form of description that includes the word "squirt". 760 00:52:07,635 --> 00:52:09,387 I wish I'd never mentioned it. 761 00:52:09,475 --> 00:52:13,354 The results were, happily, very beneficial, I have to give him that. 762 00:52:14,155 --> 00:52:18,671 I suppose that more or less put the kibosh on anything else between the two of you. 763 00:52:18,755 --> 00:52:20,507 Did it? After that? 764 00:52:21,635 --> 00:52:23,432 What do you think? 765 00:52:24,595 --> 00:52:26,153 Thank God it did. 766 00:52:26,235 --> 00:52:30,274 If he hadn't suddenly set it all off like that, poking and prodding me about.... 767 00:52:32,355 --> 00:52:33,754 I'm sorry. 768 00:52:35,075 --> 00:52:37,589 It frightens me to think, how much I was weakening. 769 00:52:37,675 --> 00:52:38,790 And as for him, 770 00:52:38,875 --> 00:52:42,868 to just have no qualms whatsoever about the damage you're doing to a relationship. 771 00:52:42,955 --> 00:52:46,072 Though, we don't know if it was that great to start with. 772 00:52:46,155 --> 00:52:48,749 I'm not talking about his relationship, I mean my relationship. 773 00:52:48,835 --> 00:52:50,587 Apparently, she'd already told him 774 00:52:50,675 --> 00:52:53,508 I was happily married with a five-year-old daughter! 775 00:52:53,595 --> 00:52:56,507 Based on the fact she'd seen that plumber and his little girl there 776 00:52:56,595 --> 00:52:58,665 when she called round my flat. 777 00:52:58,755 --> 00:53:01,872 All of which appeared to bother him not one jot, so.... 778 00:53:03,155 --> 00:53:07,034 What was all that about? I can't believe you were discussing Dave Brubeck. 779 00:53:07,115 --> 00:53:09,788 No, just a bit of mutual consolation. 780 00:53:09,875 --> 00:53:11,467 You know, after yesterday. 781 00:53:11,555 --> 00:53:14,228 God, I know. I mean, how must he feel? 782 00:53:14,835 --> 00:53:17,747 Here we go again. The eventful lives we all lead. 783 00:53:17,835 --> 00:53:19,427 What's happened now? 784 00:53:19,515 --> 00:53:23,394 Well, I suppose, nothing I couldn't see coming a mile off. 785 00:53:23,475 --> 00:53:26,785 I was just going back to my car again, wasn't I, last night.... 786 00:54:11,115 --> 00:54:15,347 Still, I suppose, at least it showed he'd taken on board what you said about that. 787 00:54:16,755 --> 00:54:18,632 It's a shame because he was such a joker. 788 00:54:18,715 --> 00:54:21,388 The things he'd come out with always made you laugh. 789 00:54:21,475 --> 00:54:24,273 Except I never did manage to stop him stealing, did I? 790 00:54:24,355 --> 00:54:26,664 Cars, other blokes' girlfriends. 791 00:54:27,715 --> 00:54:31,594 It was like in that song. What was that? Something about a joker and a thief. 792 00:54:31,675 --> 00:54:33,427 -I can't remember. -Sorry? 793 00:54:33,515 --> 00:54:36,234 "There must be some way out of here said the joker to the thief." 794 00:54:36,315 --> 00:54:40,149 -It's from All Along the Watchtower. -Was it? Very probably. 795 00:54:41,195 --> 00:54:43,470 Who's Raymond Rosario? 796 00:54:43,835 --> 00:54:46,224 Oh, yes! Sorry, I forgot to tell you. 797 00:54:46,315 --> 00:54:48,988 The editor of that house magazine rang while you were in the loo. 798 00:54:49,075 --> 00:54:52,351 He said he was really sorry about that picture they used in the feature. 799 00:54:52,435 --> 00:54:54,426 He said it was all just meant to be a bit of fun. 800 00:54:54,515 --> 00:54:57,348 The photographer should definitely have explained that to you beforehand. 801 00:54:57,435 --> 00:55:01,314 He said he was desperate to make amends and was there any chance he could buy you lunch. 802 00:55:01,395 --> 00:55:04,467 I have to say, actually, Ali, he sounded very fit. 803 00:55:06,955 --> 00:55:08,070 Really? 804 00:55:15,235 --> 00:55:16,987 -Yeah, hello. -Hi, Gil, it's Clark. 805 00:55:17,075 --> 00:55:19,031 Oh, hi, how're you doing? 806 00:55:19,115 --> 00:55:21,868 I'm spectacularly good as it happens, but.... 807 00:55:22,795 --> 00:55:24,547 Hey, what happened with you and Vanessa? 808 00:55:24,635 --> 00:55:26,546 I thought that looked as if it was going somewhere. 809 00:55:26,675 --> 00:55:29,143 Oh, yeah, well. 810 00:55:29,235 --> 00:55:31,988 It was one of those plots that really doesn't hang together, 811 00:55:32,075 --> 00:55:34,145 but it happened all the same. 812 00:55:34,235 --> 00:55:38,547 Involving my next door neighbour and her husband and this prostitute he was seeing, 813 00:55:38,635 --> 00:55:41,308 and I'd really have to draw you a diagram. 814 00:55:41,395 --> 00:55:44,512 Why, anyway? What did she say about me? 815 00:55:44,595 --> 00:55:47,314 Well, she kind of didn't have to say anything. 816 00:55:48,315 --> 00:55:51,625 I mean, she's a great character, I adore her, 817 00:55:51,715 --> 00:55:55,788 but a little unforgiving, you'd have to say, when she feels she's been let down. 818 00:55:56,235 --> 00:55:58,988 So, you think I should wait a while before I get in touch? 819 00:55:59,075 --> 00:56:00,224 Right! 820 00:56:00,315 --> 00:56:04,866 If you give her a call in the early spring of 201 2, she might be more receptive. 821 00:56:04,955 --> 00:56:07,389 Listen, the reason I rang. 822 00:56:07,475 --> 00:56:09,193 I just thought you should know this 823 00:56:09,275 --> 00:56:13,473 because it's gonna be on the front page of every tabloid newspaper in the morning. 824 00:56:13,555 --> 00:56:17,753 Tiffany Turner, sadly, will not be making any more sitcom pilots. 825 00:56:17,835 --> 00:56:19,234 Oh, really? 826 00:56:19,315 --> 00:56:24,309 The folks upstairs took one look at the show.... Apparently were even more appalled than we were. 827 00:56:24,555 --> 00:56:28,594 They called in her agent last night. He broke the news to her this morning. 828 00:56:29,475 --> 00:56:31,670 And at 3:00 this afternoon... 829 00:56:33,155 --> 00:56:34,907 they found her. 830 00:57:10,115 --> 00:57:14,905 CLARK: They figure she'd taken five of those magic pills, washed down with a bottle of vodka. 831 00:57:24,915 --> 00:57:26,394 Oh, shit! 832 00:57:26,955 --> 00:57:28,229 I know. 833 00:57:29,035 --> 00:57:31,185 Well, you know. 834 00:57:31,275 --> 00:57:34,631 Sadly, that's the philosophy of our age. 835 00:57:34,715 --> 00:57:38,708 If you're not up there on that little screen, you might as well not exist. 836 00:57:39,915 --> 00:57:43,590 Most of us, happily, get the chance to grow older and wiser, but.... 837 00:57:47,275 --> 00:57:49,505 Kid would've been 1 9 next week. 838 00:57:51,835 --> 00:57:53,029 We'll... 839 00:57:54,075 --> 00:57:55,906 have a beer some time. 840 00:57:56,875 --> 00:57:58,388 Yeah. Keep in touch. 841 00:58:08,555 --> 00:58:12,230 Yes, hello. I'm meeting Mr Raymond Rosario? 842 00:58:24,435 --> 00:58:25,868 Raymond! 843 00:58:25,955 --> 00:58:28,674 -Are you well? -I'm absolutely fine! 844 00:58:29,875 --> 00:58:31,354 Oh, right. 845 00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:34,909 Bye, then.